I decided to throw my hat in the ring. Try to get me a boyfriend. But I have criteria. So that will make it harder. My mum says I am too picky. Ahm… no. It’s not pickiness. I have CRITERIA. And I know that my criteria are completely reasonable.
Here they are:
Can you be close to my age? Within 5 years on either side is fine. I need to converse with someone who has the same cultural references as I do. When we talk about “Old School” we need to be talking about the same era. Vintage Beyoncé is NOT Old School.
Can you be gainfully employed and living an independent life? At this age, many of us are still taking care of almost grown children (and some grown ones as well), maybe have grand kids and some of us are starting (or already IN it) to care for aging parents. That is all fine. I only want a person for whom the last 5 decades or so resulted in something meaningful. And I want to obsessively show you pictures of MY grand kids and have you commiserate or be jealous. Also…can we talk about men with a little grey in their beards? I LOVE that. When did that get sexy?? Hot Grandpa is a Thing.
Can you live within the GTA? I am not driving farther than the confines of my very large city to meet anyone. Why would anyone think that it is a good idea to BEGIN a relationship that is forced to be long distance? If I have options, I am not choosing that.
Can you be reasonably attractive TO ME. You don’t need to be Idris Elba. Although, I will say, I wouldn’t turn away an Idris facsimile. I just have to feel like I wouldn’t mind you touching me one day. I mean- I have preferences as we all do but apparently Idris is all married now so that option is out. It’s not shallowness to say that I need to feel a certain attraction to the person.
Lastly, I need a black man in my life. You will get zero apologizes for that, friends. I am wary and distrustful of white men. That is my default position. White supremacy caused that. Not me. And I will remain so, until that system is dismantled. I will not be spending any time educating anyone about how systemic racism is real or how it has worked to prop you up. Nope. This is not to say that there aren’t any “woke” white guys out there. Of course there are, BUT they are few and far between and I don’t have time to sift through the masses. Did I tell you that I am 52?
Throwing my hat in the ring means- going on a dating site. Go ahead and groan. You can’t groan anymore than I have. And hey, my neighbours met on a dating site and now they are in a happy, long term relationship. I know other successful love stories like this so I know of the possibilities. I mean, theoretically, it is possible for me to bump into Mr. Right at the grocery store, or have a lovely Dad accompany his daughter to my prenatal classes- right??? Basically, I have no venue for meeting eligible men. I am NOT the one going to clubs and what ever social scene folks my age are in to these days. I need to be in bed by 10pm most nights a week. It’s an actual GOAL of mine. As a labour doula, who is also 50-something, I need to be stocked up on as much rest as possible by the time I am heading to a birth. This is sounding bleaker by the minute.
So, I did it. Threw my hat in the ring. This website http://blackpeoplemeet.com got my money. I have tried one free dating site after another and I can tell you, they are full on circus freak shows of mind blowing proportions. You will spend your lifetime spinning straw into gold with nothing to show for it at the end. This time around, I figured the laying out of cash would attract a higher caliber of people. Browsing through the website it appeared that to a certain extent, it is true. At the same time, don’t be fooled. Jack ass men have money too. So even though there may be less sifting to do on the paid sites, you will still be doing some of that.
I had great initial success….if you count success by how many people message you after you post your profile. Within 48 hours, I had 12 messages. I thought that was a lot! I was exceedingly flattered. Every part of my being that pathetically depends on Male Validation Based on Appearance was soothed by this initial response. Don’t get excited yet though. Let me break it all down for you through the numbers. It’s a little bit of a reality/vanity check.
1/12 was a white guy. Dude. Why. Are. You. Here? I asked him this straight up. Buddy said he was there because he loves black women. *cringe* I pointed out to him that as this was a site for black people to meet each other, then by way of logical thinking, the women on the site were interested in black men. He didn’t respond. After you finish reading this blog post, go here to read some more about the fetishization of black women and you will learn why I am not showing up for it. https://hellogiggles.com/news/fetishization-black-women/
2/12 lived in the States. One of them insisted that we would fall in love and then settle half way between Texas and Toronto. Ahm…No. The other guy lived somewhere in upstate New York and suggested that we drive to Niagara Falls for a meet up. Ahm…No.
2/12 were under 35 years old. What? They both served me that line about how “age is nothing but a number” I told them both that I was unable to keep up a conversation at the moment as I was in the middle of a hot flash. I asked if they knew what that meant. I suggested that if they didn’t that they should go ask their Mothers.
2/12 had no profile picture and no info about themselves. That’s an immediate NOPE. In my profile, I wrote extensively about myself, posted 5 pictures and you think I am just going to start speaking with you, Mr. Anonymous Serial Killer? Yeah. Right.
3/12 were just a No. In terms of looks, attitude or horrible spelling and grammar on their profiles. That’s right. I judged them on that.
That leaves TWO. 2/12. How pathetic is that? Two nice men who fit all my criteria PLUS had interesting profiles; detailed, funny and grammatically correct. That’s right. I judged them on that.
Here is what happened- one guy ghosted me after a couple of conversations. And I am NOT chasing anybody down. Old Jamaican saying- There are two things you don’t run down (ie. chase)- the Bus and a Man. Move along.
Now, we are down to the last guy standing.
ONE guy. Out of twelve. Those fantastic 12 messages that boosted my ego…not so impressive now, is it?
I am seeing him for the third time tomorrow.
It looks promising. Stay tuned.